Skepticism: Part Two

Part Two: No longer do I seek to indoctrinate. No longer do I pray for smooth teaching. No longer can I hope for absolute solidarity among my students, for if I have this I have not true, desperate grasps at a faith that is real.
How can I return to my youth, my friends, or my family with the same outlook? I cannot. My church will turn from a place of learning to a place of battle. I go now not to a teaching but to a supposition session. My faith is returned to me, in my hands is its fate. My conclusions alone now weigh on the scale of my destiny. How can I listen without a fear, without a trembling in my spirit? I am now aware of my insufficiency as a truth creator. I am humbled as a mourner of past conclusions. I hunger now more than ever for the elusive strands of truth strum as a sound offering of consideration to God. This concept of skepticism has ruined me but at the same time made me into a stronger seeker. I will now form my headquarters of belief upon, and only upon grounds which I have toiled and suffered for. I will have more reason than ever to hold fast to my hard earned faith. I will indeed be a structure of strength for others to hold on to in times of question. Again I say this skepticism has fine tuned my very understanding of the relationship between knowledge and God. This fact will not allow me to state, but to live. I will never again be able to expect coherence and obedience until my life resembles the truth of my lesson. Until my person reflects my position. And until my message is represented in myself.
My concept of ministry has been seriously developed from a place of teaching and babysitting to a place of love and supposition. I can only present the truths that I know and love the youth until they agree or disagree and form their faith accordingly. My youth have ceased to be my moral responsibility and become my companions in the pursuit of God's knowledge. I have a whole new understanding of purpose, and praxis thanks to skepticism and its statements towards knowledge.